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So, we had a baby....

8/25/10
10:18A
7lbs 11oz
21in

...a lot can change in 11 days

But not much has. There are still only 2 of us here and tomorrow it's likely that we'll talk about induction if she doesn't decide to come out on her own.

In the grand scheme of things I'd rather have a cesarean than a failed induction; and I'd rather have a natural birth than an induction. While my opinion matters- it doesn't matter yet. I'd like to say that I'd fight an induction and tell the doctors that she can have her birthday when she's ready. But truthfully, I've been done with pregnancy for a while. It's been very hot and I've been very uncomfortable. I keep having the worlds worst hot flashes which make 87 with 85% humidity very interesting. It results in a lot of showers. Which isn't so bad really- at least I'm clean!

We're still waiting, just like everyone else. The bag's packed, crib built, clothes washed... we're just missing a birthday girl.

It's the final countdown

We are rapidly approaching the single digit countdown- that's exciting... and terrifying. I'm not really sure what to expect out of myself in L&D- there are 3 possibilities.

1. I'm fine
2. I cry like a baby the whole time
3. I scream- a lot

Now, I could do a combination of 2 and 3 together. They seem like they'd fit nicely together. I have a theory as to which one I'll be- but I can't tell you what it is, that would ruin the surprise!

The room's been painted, crib assembled, changing table parts arrived, clothes washed and sorted. Now I just have to wait- which I'm not terribly good at. My mind wanders, it tends to get annoying if you have to deal with it daily [SORRY MATT!]. I can't do much, so I've been trying to keep busy as best I can- I've already addressed Birth Announcement envelopes.

Yes, I am that insane.

I figure that this way someone else can stuff, stamp and mail them. I took care of the hard part.

4:15 are out of the Baby Pool so far, technically 5:15 if you take in to account the boy guess. But I'll over look that. The rest of the guesses seem to be in clusters. Although I'm pretty sure that anyone who guessed AFTER my due date is insane- because I'm just about done and there are still 14 days to go.

No signs of progress...

So I'll get this out of the way now:

Have You had that baby yet?

I decided fairly early on that I will not, Not, NOT be fielding that question. Labor, Delivery and Birth are very stressful- and I'm not so down with everyone calling and asking for updates.

It seems as though her growth is slowing as she gets closer to 7lbs, thankgoodness. But there's no real way to ensure that she won't find her way over 8 even 9lbs- a girl can dream though. She seems to get terribly rowdy after the visits to the doctors now though. I'm assuming since they're more "invasive" now. There's a lot more poking her, trying to see if she's where she's supposed to be.

So for now, I just have to keep doing what I'm doing- and she'll keep kicking my ass. XD

Day 2: Still no signs of alternate life forms

So, I'm not working anymore. And when I think about the fact that this means I won't be working in August, September and possibly even October- I worry. Granted, I'd rather be home and not terribly swollen than at work potentially causing myself or someone else harm. So home I stay.

Today was harder than yesterday because I was alone all day. Yesterday I had Matt home with me, so there was someone to talk to, move big things. But today it was just l'il ol' me. I enjoyed being alone some, as I know that these quiet and leisurely days are numbered. But I got terribly frustrated and how tried I was after trying to do some dishes and clean the bathroom. I figured out a way to do chores at 7mos pregnant that apparently doesn't work so well at 8+mos. I'm going to have to figure something out because there's still plenty to be done.

I'm hoping Day 3 is more productive than Day 2. We'll see what happens.

Our Family

I spent a lot of last night thinking about it. Sometimes I feel strange talking about "My Family" because- well it does. But all of that can and will wait.

I'm not quite sure how I want to deal with visitors after the babe gets here. I've been told that people will want to come over and see her, hold her, booooooond with her. In all reality I'm fine with that- as long as it's on my schedule. Matt and I need to get in to a routine. We need to get to know this little person and she needs to get to know us.

I'd like to be able to come home, shower and sleep at my leisure. Now, I know that that sounds ridiculous. Who really has time for that with a newborn? But I don't want to have to worry about asking people to leave because I'm tired or upset or just plain overwhelmed. And while I appreciate that most people could and would take the hint and go- what do I do if someone doesn't? Do I ask Matt to politely and quietly tell everyone to go? Or should I try to keep it together long enough to ask them to leave?

While talking to my dad last night I mentioned that I wanted to wait until after I'd worked through the potential baby blues before having visitors over. He said that probably wouldn't be possible. Asking people to wait a week before seeing the baby might not go over well. So I guess for now I pray that the hormone crash isn't terrible and possibly over before I leave the hospital. And I hope that people understand that when I ask for my space- respect that I actually need it.

Good news? Bad news?

...she's officially dropped. One contestant says this means nothing. Another says this means I'll have a baby in 2 short weeks.

One thing I DO know- I'll be in the bathroom a lot more now.

I hate to say it...

But the last 50 days are starting to feel like the first 50.

I have heartburn and hiccups all day. I often want to throw up. I ride the pendulum from insomnia to narcolepsy. Which also means I swing between being over tired and bouncing off the walls.

The good news is the floor in her room has been sanded and poly'd, I just need to work on priming and painting it. It's partially primed already but I need to get moving on the other side. Once that's all taken care of it'll be time to put in the closet organizer and start washing the massive amounts of baby clothes.

I still don't have a hospital bag packed. And I haven't taken any of the childbirth classes. I'm hoping that they can fit me to the next one. But I'm not holding my breath. I'm hoping to get part of my bag packed today, there have been BH and honest to god contractions in the past week which served as a harsh reminder that I still have much to do.

Something that makes this a whole lot easier is love. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAWEE! Yes I know, how trite of me. But we really are lucky that there are so many people out there who care about Matt and I, which in turn means they care about this little person. People have offered to come help paint, sit with me, help me move things- and not to mention all of the awesome that was my shower. So let's just hope I remember all of these people in the next month and a half- because I'm pretty sure I'm going to need help from someone- at least once.

It's amazing what a box implies. Behind me is a very big box. This box means several things.

A. Painting needs to be done, yesterday.
2. Floors should be sanded, soon.
C. There should be someone else sleeping here, someday.

Matt's middle brothers moved the crib and changing table into the babes room, because I really didn't know where else to have them put them. But now there is this looming monster in the corner. It brings such a mixed bag of emotions for me. I'm so excited to have her [and be done with being pregnant] but I'm worried about getting things done. My sister pointed out to me last night that she won't know if I don't have matching curtains in her room when she comes home. And she won't care if my living room isn't spotless. I guess I just don't want the house to end up a disaster. I want her to have a safe and pretty home. I know that it can all be done- I'm just going to have to ask for help and potentially work through a nap or two and deal with some heartburn.

It may sound silly, but I don't want to bring her into a house. I want to bring her home. And right now? It doesn't really feel like one to me. Hopefully I can change that in less than 80 days. We'll see what happens.

12 and change...

We're almost to 28 weeks, which means soon it will be a single digit countdown.

SINGLE!

I'm hoping that the nervous starts to subside and the excited bubbles up more. The nervous mostly applies to the house, I want entirely too much done before she gets here. I wanted things cleaned and organized. I don't know how we're going to gel those first few days or weeks, so I want to make sure that Matt and I both know where everything is and we can get at what we need quickly. We've made some amazing progress in terms of getting rid of some of the excess in the basement and organizing the upstairs. There's still a bit of moving to do and some hefty painting- but I'm feeling better about it after our VERY productive weekend. And with 3.5 more days off this week I think I might be able to knock most of the painting off the to do list!

I got nervous a few days ago when I realized people had to be looking at our registry- because something else was missing. Couple this with the fact that we really haven't made any new progress in/on the house in the last few weeks and I'm an even bigger ball of nerves. I'm hoping to get one or BOTH of our desks in the basement this weekend, if that happens I'll be one step closer to painting the babe's room. I suppose I could worry about painting the play room first, I don't worry about that because I know that while it would be nice if it were a new color- if it stays white it's not the end of the world. Never mind the fact that the colors I'm looking at for in there are the lightest versions of beige, tan and peach out there. I'm also probably not terribly concerned with that room yet because I don't have my heart set on any of those colors.

There are less than 100 days left. That my friends is no joke. Time for us to get a move on.

I am the slug

I don't know if I'm getting the sleepies early, or if I'm going to use this as an I TOLD YOU SO about my pregnancy progress... I'm feeling the 3rd trimester energy vortex. I want naps. I want snooze buttons.

The days that I have to go to work or run around kill me. I know that we're in the home stretch now, so that's got me excited. But this sloth/slug stuff has got to go. We have a lot to do still. And there's a lot that I wanted to get squared away before we became a 3-some. Some days I think my love of naps is going to destroy my to do list- and that makes me a little sad. I did manage to pick out a paint color for her room as well as start painting a lamp for the room. It doesn't feel like much progress at this point, but I know that as long as I can keep knocking little things off we should be ok.

But for now I'll keep doing what I can and take naps as often as I can.

It seems silly...

But I already worry about my daughter. I worry about what people will tell her. I worry that someone else will get to have momentous firsts with her. I worry about who will try to influence her.

It all seems so silly. And almost ridiculous.

I can't affect any of this, but it tickles my brain in the early morning and latest night. Every once and a while when I'm having these deep thoughts about who she'll spend her time with and where she might end up- she gives me a thump or a bump. Just to let me know she's still there. At least that's what I like to think.

It feels so strange to be sitting on the other side of this pregnancy. While I am thrilled to be past the halfway point for a variety of reasons, I'm afraid that I am approaching the nervous portion of the program.

I'm a planner. I like to know what is going to happen. I like being prepared. And right now I don't feel like we're prepared and I certainly don't know what's going to happen. I know that a large part of the prep process for me is the babe's room, which requires some help and a lot of heavy lifting... so that is being shelved for now.

But in the mean time I've been trying to organize and stream line the rest of our living spaces. Because honestly- I haven't kept things as clean as I'd like in quite some time. It's frustrating being at work and then coming home to chaos. Some days I don't have the energy to make dinner let alone think about picking things up or sorting and organizing things. Matt and I have some time off together but not a lot. So I try not to make the time we spend together all about chores- but this has got me thinking that I'm going to have to scale back on how much time I spend at work soon. I need to have time and energy to devote to my house and husband. All of that thinking has me nervous about balancing work and home after the baby's born.

But I know one thing is certain, if I don't start getting things done we're going to have to make a mad dash at the end. I'm not sure if you've ever seen a woman who's 8mos pregnant- but they don't do much running.

I guess it's time to prioritize.

Now there's a Baby Pool link at the top of the Page. I haven't figured out what the prize shall be yet.

...it's been a doozy of a day

Two of my girlfriends have encountered serious problems with their pregnancies. And in both instances it forced me to think about how it must feel to be in their shoes, what would I do? And most importantly- who would be there to help me through it?

The soul searching that ensued first angered me. Then I was inspired. I know that Matt and I will make our way over and around whatever obstacles we encounter. I'd like to say that he's all that I will ever need- because well, I did marry the man. But I know that I need more than him, it's not fair to make him carry my world and his when mine turns sideways.

It was at this point that the hormonal crying jag started. I don't think I'll ever understand them, it's also safe to say that I will never look forward to them. But that is neither here nor there, so let's move on shall we? I felt so alone, mind you I was in a sense since I was in the car on the way to work. Oh yes, I was that crazy woman driving down Delaware crying. It was spectacular. In that moment I realized that there were only 2 people I could call when I got to work, and I didn't want to call either of them. I couldn't talk to the person I wanted to- and that seemed to make me cry harder and it made me very angry.

I had to tell myself more than once today that I'm better than this. I stood up for myself before I really understood what my actions meant. I have unbelievable strength, even if it doesn't always feel like it.

I can do this. As much as it hurts to think- I can do this on my own.

I promised myself that I'd stop being angry today. I'm going to stop feeling the sad. Because I am where I am, and I have a say in where I go. And it's ok if you don't come with me because I've made it this far. And I'm fairly certain that I'll reach the finish line. Something tells me, that I'll appreciate what Matt and I make even more knowing that it just took the two of us.


You run away
You could turn and stay
But you run away from me

I tried to be your brother
You cried and ran for cover
I made a mess, who doesn’t
I did my best but it wasn’t enough

You run away
You could turn and stay
But you run away from me

I’ll give you something can cry about
One thing you should try it out
Hold a mirror shoulder high
When you’re older look you in the eye
When you’re older look you in the eye

I tried but you tried harder
I lied but you lied smarter
You made me guess who was it
I did my best but it wasn’t enough

Halfway down the stairs.

I'm sitting here at the halfway mark, with just under 20 weeks to go. And it feels strange. While it feels like a lifetime ago that we found out we were having a baby, I know that it wasn't. Some days, it seems like August is never coming.

It hasn't been easy or picture perfect, but in the end it'll all be worth the worry and wait. I'm so thankful for the friends and family I have. I can't thank my sister enough for all of the times I've called her in hysterics or near-hysterics. And I love that my Girlfriends are taking me to Register.

I know that I'm lucky. I didn't ever doubt that.

Redecorating, it's true.

People keep asking me what I'm most excited about with the pregnancy. And in my head I yell REDECORATING! But I don't say that. Most people expect you to say things like: being a Mom, bringing home baby, watching them grow.

But I'm not there yet.

Right now I'm excited to move things, paint things, clean things. I'm excited to baby proof. You might be wondering why- I have 5 months to make this place comfy, pretty and SAFE for a baby. I want all of it done before the Peanut comes home so there's no worry. I know that as far as safety goes some of it will come as the baby ages; as in "...I had no idea you could reach that!" There are things that I can do in the mean time though.

I'm sure that by the time June and July roll around I'll get the Mom jitters and I'll be excited to bring the baby home. But honestly? If I started getting excited about all of that now I don't think I'd have any energy left in August.

So for now:

We clean!
We paint!
We organize!

...and snack

...as much as I hate tickers

We have two now. There had been one at the very BOTTOM of the page, but I doubt anyone really looked there after the posts got long. If you haven't so much been playing along at home the one will be a bit of a shock, and I apologize. Surprise! I figured keeping them at the bottom would be too much scrolling. And you might not see them. So now BOTH tickers are up top. Exciting no?

I heart the Office, let's just get that out of the way. Matt doesn't really. He enjoys the banter between Jim and Dwight- but I think that's about it. I would say that what's about to follow is hormone induced, but I know deep down inside it's not. It's the truth.

There have been episodes of the Office that have struck a chord in me in the past. But his past season Ms Beasley has made me feel better about all most ALL of the crazy I've felt. I still have the Wedding Episode saved on our DVR, dontjudgeme. But watching her freak out about labor last night made me breathe a very large sigh of relief.

I've been so afraid that something will go wrong, I'll want give up or I won't be able to physically DO it. My father and Matt are proving to be a wonderful cheering section. They keep telling me that I'll be able to do it- I will find a way. My dad was pretty funny about it, he said he wasn't sure how women did it- but they find a way through. I really don't know what I did to get a dad like this, but I'm pretty thankful. Matt has remained calm even through my freak outs, thankgod. I don't think it would end well if we both spent all our time worrying.

Is there anybody out there?

Just nod if you can hear me.

So- I've left you alone for a while. And I'm sorry about that, Facebook is far more shiny and entertaining. I've had a house to try to maintain, which I've been failing at miserably [but more on that later]. I've just gotten all wrapped up in life. Which is funny because people kept telling me that I'd be so bored when all of the Wedding planning and hub-bub ended. When in reality- when that stopped I went back to living my life. I know it seems silly to say that my life was on hold for the 9-12 months of planning, but in a way it was. There were so many things that had to get done on a time table and in a specific order- other things just had to wait. The gas bill still got paid, dinner was still made; but anything that didn't need to get done was left to be done at a later date.

Which finds us in the wonderful spot we are today, terribly behind in everything. We'll get it all done, after all he did say forever. ; )