...it's been a doozy of a day

Two of my girlfriends have encountered serious problems with their pregnancies. And in both instances it forced me to think about how it must feel to be in their shoes, what would I do? And most importantly- who would be there to help me through it?

The soul searching that ensued first angered me. Then I was inspired. I know that Matt and I will make our way over and around whatever obstacles we encounter. I'd like to say that he's all that I will ever need- because well, I did marry the man. But I know that I need more than him, it's not fair to make him carry my world and his when mine turns sideways.

It was at this point that the hormonal crying jag started. I don't think I'll ever understand them, it's also safe to say that I will never look forward to them. But that is neither here nor there, so let's move on shall we? I felt so alone, mind you I was in a sense since I was in the car on the way to work. Oh yes, I was that crazy woman driving down Delaware crying. It was spectacular. In that moment I realized that there were only 2 people I could call when I got to work, and I didn't want to call either of them. I couldn't talk to the person I wanted to- and that seemed to make me cry harder and it made me very angry.

I had to tell myself more than once today that I'm better than this. I stood up for myself before I really understood what my actions meant. I have unbelievable strength, even if it doesn't always feel like it.

I can do this. As much as it hurts to think- I can do this on my own.

I promised myself that I'd stop being angry today. I'm going to stop feeling the sad. Because I am where I am, and I have a say in where I go. And it's ok if you don't come with me because I've made it this far. And I'm fairly certain that I'll reach the finish line. Something tells me, that I'll appreciate what Matt and I make even more knowing that it just took the two of us.


You run away
You could turn and stay
But you run away from me

I tried to be your brother
You cried and ran for cover
I made a mess, who doesn’t
I did my best but it wasn’t enough

You run away
You could turn and stay
But you run away from me

I’ll give you something can cry about
One thing you should try it out
Hold a mirror shoulder high
When you’re older look you in the eye
When you’re older look you in the eye

I tried but you tried harder
I lied but you lied smarter
You made me guess who was it
I did my best but it wasn’t enough