I only hope...

I am having a moment. I knew would come. It's 3:00AM, I last woke at 12:30PM the day before. It was only a 45m nap.

You cried. You screamed. You're awake. I am too. Neither of us are getting any sleep.
Some day, this will be a blur, but for now; I only hope, that I live long enough....

I get by with a little help from my friends.

I will admit, I feel fairly helpless as I write this. I want so much to help my friend- but it doesn't seem like there is much I can do for him. I'm fairly certain that he and his wife will have more days in front of them with this awful feeling walking beside them. For one afternoon, I will be filling the shoes left by hopelessness. And maybe, that will help. http://www.cff.org/Great_Strides/GillianBobrowski

Catching up...

We've been married for one year and we haven't killed each other, wonderful.
We had a healthy baby who is growing quickly all while smiling, awesome
I developed post partum depression, unfortunate.

I shouldn't say that this has been solely my problem, because this has been something that my family has had to deal with. While my husband has dealt with it more than my daughter, I didn't want it to get to the point where it would interfere or impact their lives in a significant way. I should have said something sooner, but I didn't know who to ask or where to turn to.

I've been dealing with this quietly, on my own. I didn't talk to anyone about it because like most new mothers- I was afraid of what people would think. I was afraid people would judge me, think that I wasn't caring for my daughter. I didn't want to deal with the pitiful glances that echoed, "poor you." Because that doesn't help.

I should have opened up sooner. I should have tried to find someone to relate to. But no one talks about this. No one flies the PPD flag high over their head. No one that I've met.

Why am I doing this now? Because I remember how awful it felt in the beginning. I remember feeling trapped in my house with this beautiful little girl. I remember being so confused wondering how did I end up in this position? I could take care of her, but not myself. And how could I continue to care for her if I can't care for myself? Eventually I knew that she was going to suffer because of all of this. That made me feel terrible. I couldn't bear the thought of her having to be unhappy because I was unhappy.

My email box and Facebook feed are erupting with announcements of pregnancies and births- and I want my friends to know that they aren't alone. If they find themselves feeling lost or listless, there is hope. There is a way through and around this.

I want you to know that there are resources out there. There are people who can help you. There are people who want to help you. But they can't if you don't speak up.